Never yours
by brattyteenagewerewolf
Summary: If you love someone let them go, if they were meant to be yours they will return but if they don't they were never yours to begin with. Matthias knew the truth of that statement more than he cared to admit.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: because I haven't written anything truly angsty in a while and the latest Hetalia episode was sad.**

1523 AD

He felt cold, almost as though snow ought to have been swirling around him, dissolving to water when it touched his skin. The weather would have fit with his mood had that been the case. But instead faint sunlight glittered through the branches, hopelessly cheerful weather in comparison to his own emotions. It was as though nature herself was mocking how he felt.

Hopeless, saddened, lost for what to do.

They were meant to be brothers. So why was he staring out at the swiftly disappearing backs of his closest friend and the boy he'd taken on? Why didn't they turn around to meet his eyes when he called out to them?

Bruises throbbed as if to remind him why. The discoloured patches of skin standing out against his pale complexion.

That was right… he'd pushed him too hard. He hadn't relented in his desire for power. Minor arguments had turned to bitter verbal spats before finally turning into true and exceptionally violent fights. They'd laid hands on one another like enemies instead of brothers. How could he blame Berwald for leaving him after he did something like that?

He sighed, eyes remaining locked on the broad shoulders of the swede and Tino's smaller form. "I'm sorry…" he mumbled, knowing that they wouldn't hear it. His words were too quiet for even the faint breeze to carry it to them. He wanted to run after them and tell them so but his pride wouldn't allow it. All he could do was watch as they walked away from him without once glancing back.

.o.)O(.o.

"So they've truly left?" Lukas murmured as he ran a damp rag over Matthias's shoulder to remove the last few traces of dried blood from around a relatively deep cut. It would require bandages he thought to himself but he made no comment on it, merely continued cleaning the wound.

"Ja…" the Dane said softly before wincing. He'd never enjoyed having his wounds patched up and although the Norwegian always did a good job of it he wasn't always gentle. He never complained (okay, maybe occasionally he did) but that didn't mean he had to remain completely stoic. "I don't think they're coming back…"

"I see… He really did a number on you this time." the smaller blond mumbled to himself, setting the rag aside to grab the bandages. He wrapped them around the wound methodically, never faltering in his movements as he ensured they were tight but not too tight.

"Lukas?"

"Yes?"

"…you're not going to leave me as well are you?" Matthias asked, eyes strangely filled with desperate doubt. Lukas didn't want to admit it but the sight scared him. He was unused to the man appearing so serious. Even so his face remained blank as he lightly pecked the Dane's lips.

"You're being annoying again Matthias." He grumbled as he pulled away to gather up the scattered medical supplies.

The Dane gave a small smile as he grabbed the Norwegian's wrist before he could walk away. "You didn't answer my question." He pointed out as Lukas rolled his eyes.

"No Matthias, we're not going to leave you."

The other man's smile grew at the words, doubt leaving his face as he grinned broadly. "Good, I love you…"

"Ja, me too."

.o.)O(.o.

1814

The bed was empty, no trace of heat remaining from the man who'd been lying there not even twelve hours ago when Matthias had fallen asleep. At first the Dane hadn't been worried, assuming Lukas had woken and gone to grab a glass of water or perhaps to check on Emil who slept down the hall. But when he didn't return he started to grow a little anxious, he'd been gone for too long to do such a thing.

He got up silently, eyebrows pulled into a frown as he slipped his pants on. His hair was a mess and he shivered when the cold air hit his bare chest but otherwise he didn't care, merely padding down the hall to try and locate the missing man.

Emil's door creaked slightly as he pushed it open but the Icelandic boy didn't seem to stir at the sound. He had the blankets wrapped tightly around his curled up form, his pale hair mussed from sleep as he breathed steadily. There was no sign of the Norwegian though, the room empty but for him.

He sighed softly, closing the door with a slight click as he continued his search of the house. He grew more worried as each room provided no further clues of the man's location. He didn't seem to be in the house at all, making the Dane consider other possibilities.

He knew that Berwald had been making more plans against him, what if he'd taken the Norwegian? The swede knew what Lukas meant to him.

He growled at the thought, slipping some boots on as he grabbed his axe. He wouldn't put it past Berwald to do such a thing and the swede was stronger than Lukas. Sure the shorter blond could put up a fierce fight when he wanted to but it was nothing compared to the man known as the lion of the north.

He wouldn't let Berwald take what was his.

.o.)O(.o.

"BERWALD!"

The shout of rage made the swede pause, turning away from Lukas and raising his sword in time to avoid a blow that would have taken his head off had it connected. Matthias appeared furious by the sight of the Norwegian standing behind the tall nation but his anger only increased when he took in everything.

Lukas had a bag on his back and his sword sheathed on his hip.

He made no move to leave his captor or aid the Dane.

He didn't have a mark on him.

Matthias's eyes were wide as Berwald pushed him away, his gaze fixed on the cool dark blue of the Norwegian's. Lukas made no move to break the eye contact, his face telling the Dane everything he needed to know.

He was leaving willingly.

He could feel the sting of a shallow graze on his cheek but it barely registered as he stared at Lukas. All he could think of was how the man had promised to never leave him yet here he stood, beside the man that had once been his brother.

Lukas sighed as he turned away, the Dane slumping to his knees with wide, pain filled eyes. He didn't speak, didn't say a single word in explanation. Berwald hesitated slightly before doing the same, disappearing with the man Matthias had grown to love as the man stared longingly after them.

His axe lay forgotten on the ground as blood dripped lazily down his cheek but he didn't care. All he could do was stare at where the two men had vanished into the darkness.

Even when the sun started to rise he was still there, wondering what he'd done wrong to lose yet another member of his family.

.o.)O(.o.

"Where were you?"

The words made Matthias flinch for a moment; the bored tone so similar to Lukas's that it took him by surprise as he glanced toward Emil. He could see similarities to the Norwegian in his bone structure but there were too many differences to fool himself into thinking it was him. He sighed, rubbing at the dried blood on his cheek.

"…out."

Emil raised an eyebrow slightly at the short answer. "And where's brother?" he asked, trying to get more than a word out of the Dane. His eyes went wide as he saw the way Matthias slumped. He hadn't seen him this worked up since the day Berwald and Tino had left. He sighed at the realization, not even needing the words to confirm his suspicions.

He knew that only one thing could have happened to depress the Dane to this extent.

.o.)O(.o.

1944

If you love someone let them go, if they were meant to be yours they'll return to you and if they don't they were never yours to begin with.

The words ran erratically through Matthias's skull as he stared at Emil. The Icelandic nation had grown a lot in the years since he'd first joined the Dane, the boy having grown to become a young man. A man who had now taken to staring out the window with the same expression Lukas once had. He wore a look of longing not unlike that of a bird caged too long.

But despite this look he'd remained with him. He'd stayed when all the others had abandoned him.

He sighed, wondering what to do. He'd grown close to Emil, not as close as he'd been with Lukas and Berwald but still close enough to want what was best for him. He wasn't a weak colony anymore no matter how much he wanted to deny the fact.

If you love someone let them go…

He bit the inside of his cheek for a moment, tasting blood when he bit too hard. He would leave by his own accord eventually, by force if he had to. He couldn't take that sort of reaction a third time.

Another sigh fell from his lips as he walked over to the pale haired man. He was barely out of his teens, smaller than even Lukas was but even so he knew he was strong enough for what would come.

"You want independence don't you?"

A single hesitant nod was all it took for Matthias's heart to break once more.

.o.)O(.o.

Oppressive silence filled the large home, reminding Matthias once more that he was alone. He'd grown so used to companionship that he'd forgotten what loneliness was. A few stray tears ran down his cheek as he considered the feeling, pride shattering now that he had no-one left to be strong for.

He'd loved them all.

He'd loved Berwald, but he'd hurt him.

He'd loved Tino, but he'd scared him off.

He'd loved Lukas, but he'd chased him away.

He'd loved Emil, but he let him go.

They had been his family, his reason for living.

But they were gone now, every one of them. They were all their own nations who no longer needed to rely on him.

He was alone.

If you love someone let them go, if they were meant to be yours they'll return to you and if they don't they were never yours to begin with…


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: well you guys wanted a seconded chapter and here it is! And I'm still finding glitter everywhere after last night's mardi gras… next year I'm definitely marching!**

**And there's a quote in here courtesy of glassamilk's 'gutters'.**

**Hetalia isn't mine!**

How long has it been? How many days? Weeks? Years?

He isn't sure he realises as he takes another swig of his beer. Wars have been fought and lost, empires (including his own) have fallen and lives have been snuffed out like a candle placed in a draft but life still goes on. The sun still rises and sets, even when it doesn't appear to do so it does. Time passes but nothing ever really changes.

He drinks and he waits but nothing seems to change. Sure summer turns to autumn and winter to spring but the cycle just repeats, never erring from the path it has followed since time began. People are born, they grow up have children and they die. Everything is always the same.

He laughs softly, draining the bottle he'd been clutching.

He's grown cynical.

He'd been cheerful once, playful and light-hearted. Arrogant if you asked Berwald and you had to ask him because otherwise he'd say nothing. Obnoxious if you asked Emil who would be quick to use the term if his caretaker got on his nerves. Annoying if you asked Lukas, sometimes it was a compliment sometimes it wasn't. You could never tell with the Norwegian.

Not now though. He didn't have anyone to say he was any of those things so he didn't bother anymore.

He sighed, twirling his now empty beer bottle in his fingers as he leans back in his chair. He's balancing on two legs now, had the other's been there they would have scolded him for it. Told him that he'd hurt himself doing that. He doesn't care though, he never did. Berwald called it arrogance once; Lukas said that it was just because he was too stupid to believe he could get hurt.

What was it he'd said? Too stupid to give up. Too stupid to die.

The last had been a half-hearted compliment after he'd been beaten to a pulp in a fight with Berwald. He'd smiled (wincing due to his fractured jaw) and attempted to hug the man who had forced him back onto the bed with a curse before accepting the hug. All the while he'd been grumbling about him aggravating his injuries and how stupid he was.

His comment was probably correct as well. He was too stupid to give up.

Had he been smart he would have been out, smiling like a deranged idiot as he called up someone to go drinking with. Or at least done something to distract himself from how empty his house was.

But no, instead he was doing what he did every evening, drinking a beer or three as he waited for one of the others to come home. He ignored the fact that they had their own homes now, that they wouldn't be coming home to him. Too stupid to give up the hope that they would return. He sighed at the thought, rocking the chair back and forth on the two legs he was balancing on.

"You're going to hurt yourself doing that."

He started at the voice, twisting to locate the source of that oh so familiar bored tone. He yelped though, arms flailing to balance him as the chair slipped underneath him and sent him toppling to the floor.

"Told you." Lukas stated, shaking his head as he took his hat off to hang it up. Matthias stared at him dumbstruck, mouth opening and closing like a fish as he sought words to say.

"But- you… I'm seeing things aren't I? I drank too much am I right?"

The Norwegian raised an eyebrow at the comment. "If you're seeing things after only three bottles of beer you're losing your touch." He noted before offering him a hand. "Now are you going to get up or not?"

Matthias continued staring up at him for several seconds before taking the offered hand. He was surprised by how solid Lukas was, noting all the things that proved he was the real thing as he was pulled to his feet. His hand was warm in his own; his face blank despite the slight emotion in the depths of his dark blue eyes, his hair was held back by a familiar pin to keep it from getting in his face as it was prone to do.

"L-Lukas? Norge? Is it really you?"

Lukas sighed, shaking his head at the other blond. "What? You were expecting someone else?" he asked with a raised eyebrow before flicking the man's forehead. "You really are an idiot…" he grumbled as Matthias rubbed the slightly reddened mark.

"Ow… but what are you doing here?" he asked, still in a state of shock.

The Norwegian rolled his eyes. "You have to ask? Things are finally settling so I wanted to see you. Berwald and Tino would have come with but they had other arrangements. They had something to sort out with Arthur apparently."

"And Emil?" Matthias asked hesitantly. It seemed too good to be true that the family he'd loved, the family he'd lost would return to him for more than just a few cursory words between meetings.

"He shouted something about not going anywhere with me unless I promised not to bug him about the whole big brother thing…"

"And you refused?"

"Of course."

Matthias couldn't help it; he fell over with laughter at the unrepentant look on the Norwegian's face. It was only worsened when Lukas raised an eyebrow at his antics and then cursed when he found himself wrapped in a hug by the over exuberant Dane. Nothing he did seemed to work in convincing him to release him.

"God Norge I missed you!" Matthias murmured, kissing the Norwegian's hair fondly and ignoring the elbows to the stomach. The slight pain only served to remind him that this was real, that he was holding Lukas in his arms once more.

"Ja, Ja now let go of me!" Lukas snapped.

"Not until you say it!"

"Ugh… god you're still annoying… fine, I missed you too okay!"

Matthias was positively beaming as he released the other man who only scowled in response. "I love you Lukas!"

"Ja, love you too…" the Norwegian grumbled before shaking his head. "Now do you want this place to look like this when the others get here? It doesn't look like you've cleaned in two centuries… Tino would have a heart attack."

The Dane couldn't stop smiling as he saw the way the other blond was acting. It was as though he'd never left as he took charge and gave Matthias order upon order for getting his house back into a reasonable state.

He couldn't believe that he was back. That they were all coming back.


End file.
